FBI Job Advertisment/Nice People Needn't Apply

Given my own experiences with this federal intelligence (or as I call it the unintelligent agency) agency, I have put together some advertising copy (remember the good old days of Madison Avenue when real copy still existed?) of what a brief job advertisement for prospective employees might look like, if the truth about the FBI was allowed to be told within the US mainstream media -- for the past Century -- it has not been.

So here goes:

Are you a nosy person?

Do you like invading the privacy of others and not getting caught?

Are you angry?

Moody?

Pugnacious?

Do you have a tolerance for hurting others and enjoy seeing them in pain?

Are you disillusioned with the Civil Rights movement and frustrated that people have the nerve to stand up and demand that they be treated as set forth within the United States Constitution?

Well, my friend, have we got a job for you!

We think that you should consider joining us at the FBI; the nation's premier law enforcement agency.

The FBI's not just a job mind you.

It's a career in organized crime.

A criminal mindset with attitude to boot!

Except of course, that unlike like Mafia and other recognized forms of organized crime, we at the FBI, or the Bureau as we like to call it, are granted impunity by the Department Of Justice.

No matter what we do, no matter how horrible the crimes we commit, we ALMOST NEVER EVER go to prison for them. ha ha ha

Don't you wish you could say that? ha ha ha

It's a regular get out of jail free card! And it is included in every membership of this deeply cultish and disturbed organization.

And as long as you are loyal to the Bureau and keep its deepest and darkest secrets, you can count on us to do the same for you!

No Matter What You Do!!!

We are a powerhouse and there is not a damn thing that the American people can do about it! ha ha ha

You did not misread that last sentence.

And there is no time limit.

Even after you retire you will always have the protection of the Bureau behind you no matter what. And God help your neighbors or community if they ever piss you off because we'll be right there to shut 'em down!

There is one thing though. The code of silence, or as the Mafia puts it the Omerta.

Never rat out one of your fellow agents or your get out of jail free card and the rest of these criminal PERKS will be revoked and we'll be forced to harass you into committing suicide.

And make no mistake about it, we are DAMN good at killing people and even better at tormenting them to the point where they kill themselves. We at the Bureau actually pride ourselves on this.

The psychological warfare operations that we employ against those we target for destruction were taken directly from the Gestapo's own training manual.

Think of it, Hitler the man himself, who the FBI to this day secretly idolizes and emulates.

But just don't ever admit this to anyone, since it's still not politically correct --however we're working on that!

We just need to give George W. Bush a little more time since he's one of our boys and someone whom, like Adolph, we also idolize.

So have you heard enough?

Are you ready to join our TEAM?

GREAT!

So CALL now for our FREE brochure to see how you can get started.

Our operators are standing by: 1 800 FAS CIST

And if you call right now, we'll send you our free guide on how to take part in the organized stalking and terrorism (that we covertly blame on common criminals) of any people in your neighborhood that you don't like! It comes with a full guarantee and if you are dissatisfied for any reason, we will personally come out and stalk and harass these people for you.

Now come on, you can't get a better offer than that and you know it!

But remember, this is a limited time offer so you must act quickly.

Call now!

Copyright © 2007 -- James F. Marino